Running on Empty

I had a friend who used to talk about his “love tank”.  He could sense when his was empty;  times when he needed “filling up” and loved on. Other times, when he felt it was full, he found he had extra love to pour out to others who had “empty” tanks.  I thought it was a good analogy.

I’ve been running on less than a quarter tank this week.  Today I am starting to sputter and I may need to pull over and ask for a tow.  I hate that this gets in the way of life; this constant need to fill up.  I am a giver by nature and I would much prefer to dish out love and warm fuzzies to everyone I’m surrounded with at all times.  But, then my humanity comes in.  My selfishness, my fatigue, and I want to throw my head back and scream ,”I want my mom!” and be pampered with cozy duvets, chicken soup, and a day of watching game shows.  But, life is too busy, and a day of the Price as Right would cause me intense guilt and borderline depression.

We are uncomfortable with our weaknesses.  Our limits.  Our inabilities to carry on and carry through.  Our need to stop and rest.  Our sick days.  We hold true to the Little Engine that Could and “I think I can” our way into doing almost anything.  So we push ourselves and stretch ourselves . This can be a good thing, this tenacity and perseverance, but it can also shield us from the acceptance that we were made to not just be givers but to receive.  Somewhere in the emptiness too, we realize our imperfections and are aware of something much bigger and more glorious than ourselves.

I’ve wrestled with pride, ironically, more than I care to admit.  I have a fiercely independent streak which can make it difficult for me to depend on anyone, much less, God.  I can count the number of times I have asked God to fill me with his love for me.  I keep trying to run on empty.  Do you?

I’m learning though, that he wants me to keep a full tank, or at least, keep coming to him to get filled.  He’s showing me that I function better, love more, and he can work through me more effectively when I allow Him to fill me up.  He tells us not status, power, money, nor popularity can fill us, despite our tendencies to think they can.  So I’m leaning in, and trusting that I think We can…Let’s fill up.

"He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.  He renews my strength." ~ Psalm 23:2-3