Lately, it’s felt like I’ve been spread so thin you can see through me. It wasn’t intentional. I’m usually marginally good (no pun intended) at balance, so when life speeds up, I am able to reroute, restructure, and slow other areas down. But, lately, somehow, I’ve landed on board the crazy train, and we are going at too fast a pace. As the steams whistles out the engine, I’m glancing back at the station wondering just how I got here and who put me on this thing. Mostly, I just want off.
You’ll have to forgive my train analogy as it is apparently an August theme in our household. You see, my daughter’s fourth birthday is just around the corner and for it we are all aboard a steam engine train to celebrate to her liking. She had one small request though, just in case we neglected to remember her feminine nature; all must dress in princess costumes. I admired her creativity in bringing these two worlds together succinctly. Trains and tiaras. She won’t be a high maintenance woman after all. With steam engines and bug collecting, she still knows how to get dirty.
The difference though with the theme this month is I don’t remember asking to get on my train. Or, for that matter, wanting it on any level. Like a bad dream, I just woke up here, not recollecting my ticket being stamped or standing in line to use the washroom before the big journey. All aboard the crazy train. I’ve been on it for several days now and the scariest thing about it is I don’t know when or where we are stopping.
Like a thief in the night, someone or some circumstance may have unknowingly put us on our trains amidst the engine chugging, and wheels squealing against the rails. And there are definitely no tiaras happening on our ride. In fact, we feel like vagrants, dirty and clothed in unwashed rags getting lost amongst the hundreds of other travelers who share our caboose. Feeling anonymous. Lost. On this crazy train of ours.
But lately, when I find myself in that place, I am no longer looking back out the window. I am no longer ashamed of my vagrant clothing, nor hiding my head behind a ticket I am really not reading or interested in. I’m looking for someone on the caboose who’s also there with me riding. I search for his face in the crowds. Walking from seat to seat, shuffling garbage clear from my path, ignoring the stares and the distractions.
And you know what? I always find him riding on my train. It’s sunset usually and the last of the days rays peek through the window. It’s quieter now, and some passengers are sleeping. He’s waiting for me there and greets me with a smile. He welcomes me to sit with him and again despite tattered clothing, he makes me feel beautiful. He tells me where we are headed, how far the next station is, and offers me direction on the next stretch of the journey. Mostly, I just enjoy being with him, here on what was once an unwelcomed train ride. He promises me he will find me in these places. He will meet me there. He will seek me out and bring me back home. My beloved savior.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t and life can’t. The angels can’t and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether were are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39
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